Release of school postin' result.
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Received a message @ round 6:30.
MOE: CHUA KANG LIN ELEEN, you are posted to
ITE EAST, BEAUTY & SPA MANAGEMENT(V54) under
2010 JAE.
Read it & went back to sleep. O-o
Seriously lorhx.
I felt nothin'.
Not even a single excitement.
Cos' I only had 2 choices to choose from.
What else can I expect?
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Slept for a while & my cell rang like crazy.
Messages comin' in askin' for my postin' result.
Replied to tons & couldn't get back to dream land.
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Some are unhappy with the outcome.
But @ least had a secured place in Poly. (:
Agree?
Buds. are mostly in SP.
Except Lian, went to NP.
Thank god that they're posted to SP. (:
So that it made visitin'/meetin' them much easier.❤
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Honestly,
I still had not overcome the misery for not being able to
enroll into Poly.
When I see my buds. happily talkin' bout' which
course to go,
I felt a huge jab in my heart.
Not being able to join them for school anymore.
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I'd to act as if I'm fine & okay with these outcome
in front of my Family & Relatives.
I'd to force myself to go back to that cheerful me.
Cos' throughout that 4 cryin'-non-stop days,
Mama's holdin' back her tears.
She think that the divorce issue had cause me to do badly.
& she blamed herself.
She tries to cheer me up.
But I didn't bother.
This made her more guilty.
& I seriously don't want Mama to feel this way.
I don't know how to express my emotions, feelings to her.
She said I may blame her for these.
BUT I DON'T !
I LOVED HER !
Mama don't wish this horrible incident would happen too.
I know...
Mama still blame herself deeply inside her heart.
In front of me,
she act as if she's fine.
But I knew she's not.
Mama's hurt.
I don't want Mama to be hurt.
That day durin' councillin',
I accompanied Mama.
She saw that councilor & startin' cryin'.
She told that councilor bout' how badly she felt.
Mama pushed all the blame to herself.
IT'S NOT HER FAULT.
IT'S NOT HER FAULT..
Councilor told Mama to get some fresh air outside
while she talk to me.
Councilor asked me tons of questions.
But I didn't bother to answer them.
I was bothered by my results & Mama's self blamin'.
I couldn't pick up any energy to do anything.
I barely talked & eat durin' that 4 days.
People asked Mama bout' my results,
I would start cryin' & get pissed off.
I almost wanted to shout sayin'
"Mind your own fuckin' business ! It's none of your business !
Fuck off ! Get lost !"
I'd the urge to shout this.
But I didn't had that energy to do so.
I may looked happy to you,
but deep inside,
I'm not.
I'd to hold back my tears.
& let it out only when I'm takin' a bathe,
when no body's home & when I'm sleepin'.
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I knew it earlier that I won't be able to get into Poly.
I'd these bad dreams that I'd done badly.
These dreams goes on for few days before gettin' of "O" results.
Maybe that's the hint all gods wanted to give me ?
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I'd a few dreams before releasin' of school postin' results too.
I dreamed that I get into Beauty & Spa Management.
My dreams seems to came true most of the time.
I dreamed that I got my DS.
& I really did.
Maybe I should believe everything which I'd dreamed ?
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Bro says that I'm damn easy to cheer up.
Buy me POOH❤ stuffs & I'm back!
Pissed me off ?
It doesn't matter !
Buy me POOH❤ & I'll be fine. (:
Lmao.
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I wanna buy more POOH❤ stuffs !!!!!!
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